Weekly D'var

PARASHAT CHAYEI SARA
Eliana Roodman

The title of each sedrah comes from its first word or phrase, but it also summarizes, or at least hints at, something important, within the portion. It is interesting, then, that the title of this week’s sedrah is chayei sara, the life of Sara. It begins: “And the life of Sara was 127 years: the years of Sara’s life. Sara died in Kiryat Arba, which is Hebron, in Canaan.” It seems strange that a Parsha titled “the life of Sara” would begin with her death. However, I would argue that Sara lives on in many aspects of this parshah.

In chapter 24, Avraham tells his servant Eliezer to find a wife for his son Itzhak, not from Canaan, but rather from his family in Charan. Avraham and Sara left their families and all that was familiar in Charan to establish a new life in Canaan. Perhaps, Avraham wants the same experience for Itzhak’s wife. Moreover, he refuses to allow Itzhak to go to Charan. I imagine he is not willing to say goodbye to the piece of Sara that remains in his life. Eliezer expresses concern that the woman he chooses will not want to follow him to a new land. But if Sara could do it, surely the wife he chooses can do so too. When Eliezer goes to Charan, he describes how he knows he has found the proper match. The woman will offer him and his camels water from her pitcher. And so Rivkah does. This act is emblematic of multiple qualities that one would look for in a spouse. Charitable, thoughtful, kind, empathetic. Rivkah preparing a drink for a stranger is reminiscent of Sarah preparing bread for the angels who visit her and Avraham is last week's parsha.

The Torah reads, “Itzhak brought Rivkah into the tent of his mother Sara and married Rivkah. She became his wife, and he loved her. Itzhak was then consoled over the loss of his mother.” The love we feel for a parent is very different from the love we feel for a spouse, which in turn is different from the love we feel for another relative or a friend. Itzhak is not replacing his mother. It is not because there is a new person to love that he forgets his mother. Rather, he has a wife that embodies the qualities that made his mother so special. In a way, his mother’s memory lives on in this new relationship. Similarly, Itzhak is how Sara’s memory lives on in the eyes of Avraham. His son is all he has left of his wife, and so he sees Itzhak, rather than Ishmael, as his heir. He gives everything he owns to Itzhak, because he is Sara’s son. He is what remains of Sara’s legacy. So, although Sara dies at the beginning of this parshah, the idea of her is infused throughout.

When someone passes away, we say “zichrona l’vracha; may their memory be a blessing”. By recalling memories of those we have lost, we keep them near to our hearts, and keep their spirits alive. Just because they have died, doesn’t mean they are gone. They live on in the people they have touched. When we are influenced by the example our parents set for us, we carry their wisdom with us even after they are gone. When we choose how to raise a family, we think back on our own families and how they influenced us. To honor those we love, we can try to live our lives the way they would have wanted us to; with grace, compassion, kindness, and happiness. So, as we reflect on the way Sara impacts the figures in this portion, even though she has died, so to should we consider the legacy left by those we love and how they and their memories figure into our lives.